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Where do i stand now?

  So what now? Am I cured? Am I better? Yes and no. When I started this blog, I talked about my freshman year a lot and what I have done since then to get better eating habits to avoid not eating. It goes in waves though. As mentioned before, my food problems go hand in hand with my anxiety. My anxiety lives in my stomach. I get anxious and I feel nauseous and like I can’t eat. My throat tightens and if I try to eat food it is hard to swallow. Freshmen year was really bad and I lost a lot of weight. My anxiety came back this semester in full force. I noticed signs of it at the end of last semester and played around with the idea of going on anxiety meds. It is my senior year and I knew the second semester would be more stressful. I wanted to have fun and not fall behind. Over winter break, I got put on as-needed meds. They were to be taken if I was going to have any panic episodes. They were not met for daily use. However, the beginning of this semester hit me like a truck and my anxie
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some things I have made from scratch

I try to make things from scratch. Sometimes it’s great. Other times it's a disaster. Here are some tips and tricks that I learned when making food so you don’t have to make my mistakes.  When making a berry crumble, make sure you are using flour and not powdered sugar. It creates a sticky berry syrup thing. The sticky berry syrup thing was great with ice cream. The sticky berry syrup thing was terrible to get out of the pan so even though it tasted good, 10/10 don’t mix up flour and sugar. When making mayo don’t use extra virgin olive oil. It makes it very bitter. Use avocado oil. When making mayo, if it is too bitter, add lemon. I know weird concept, but it takes away from the oil bitterness.  Make sure you like meringues before you make them. I spent hours making the perfect peeks in the batter and making the cute little meringue shapes just to try them later and find out I don’t like meringues. When making banana bread or any bread, make sure to read the recipe and not ignore t
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carrot juice is a weird concept

  Carrot juice is a weird concept that I grew up drinking. Growing up my grandma took me to the Polish deli weekly. We always got fresh buns, carrot juice, pierogies, and candy. You’re probably wondering what child liked carrot juice. Let me explain. The Polish deli is filled with a lot of interesting snacks and drinks. My grandma would get us this mixed carrot juice or apple juice. They were in plastic bottles with a water bottle nozzle that could close. They had characters on them too. I remember the flavors as carrot and mango and then carrot and apple. The apple ones were apple and peach and other mixtures that I can’t quite remember. Now I know you might be thinking, Hallie that’s weird combos. However, it makes so much sense to me. I grew up with this. And don’t knock it till you try it cause it tastes super good. Another drink that we would get was Lemonade. Now it wasn’t regular Lemonade. It was fizzy. It was a lemon soda. It was almost like Sprite but a bit more tart. I really
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Growing my food

I love gardening. Every year on Mother’s Day weekend, my mom and I go to the store and buy flowers and veggie plants. We have a huge garden in the back and make compost as well. We always grow tomatoes, strawberries, squash, cucumber, zucchini, jalapenos, habaneros, lettuce, chives, snap peas, garlic, and herbs. I love having our own garden. It allows my mom and me to bond and hang out. We take a whole day to plant everything and then spend time cooking together when the plants start to grow. My favorite thing to make from our garden is homemade salsa. It is super easy to make and almost all the ingredients we can grow on our own. I almost never measure when making salsa but here is the basic recipe: 4-5 large red tomatoes 2 cloves garlic Cilantro 1 juiced lime 1-2 jalapenos or 1 habanero ½ an onion Season with salt and pepper, garlic powder and cumin I just toss everything into a food processor and run it till the tomatoes are in small chunks. I always make it early in the day and the
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Polish food makes me happy

  My grandma grew up in Poland and moved here in high school. She tells me stories about growing up in rural Poland during the World Wars. She tells me horror stories about the Holocaust and how her relatives were prisoners. She tells me about how food was scarce and had to be stretch thin. They didn’t have certain fruits and veggies. They got oranges as Christmas presents because they were expensive and seen as a luxury. She had never seen a pineapple till she moved to the US. I think a lot of people do not realize how rare some foods were and still are in some countries. We are very privileged to live in a country with so much diversity and opportunity to have food. Food is a huge part of my life, especially Polish food. My grandma always makes big portions of food and is always making sure we are not hungry. She grew up with almost nothing, so she tries to give us everything. Her love language is food. She shows us she cares through food. I love going to her house and making Polish
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Everything is fixed with a cookie

Cookies fix everything. Some of my best memories surround cookies. I feel like cookies and just desserts in general get a bad rap. In moderation, sugar is fine. You are allowed to have a cookie. You are allowed to treat yourself. I think people forget that a lot. Growing up I was at my grandparents' house a lot. Every night after dinner I was allowed a cookie or ice cream. This is moderation. I remember sitting in the old recliner with a Jewel Osco chocolate chip cookie watching Sprout and listening to Nina and Star wish us a good night. My days always ended the same. I liked the control and routine. We also make lots of Christmas cookies. We spend all day just baking loads of different cookies. And then we give them out to our friends and family. It brings people together. I have been baking with my aunts, mom, and grandma for as long as I can remember. Every year we do the same routine. When me and my cousin were little we actually got into the caramel while it was still at room
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My food obsessions

  I go through phases where I love a certain food. I crave it almost every day and I know it will be easy to eat and that I will like it. This can last for weeks or months. And then one day I just stopped craving it. I go to eat it and it’s just okay. It is no longer this amazing meal. It is just food again. This happened to me with bagels. I was obsessed with bagels last semester. It was my go-to thing to eat if I was hungry and did not know what to make. It was easy and I knew that it would satisfy any cravings or hunger. I currently have bagels that are sitting in my fridge and when I think about eating them it is not as satisfying anymore. They’re just bagels now. I can feel a new food obsession coming into my life currently. Right now whenever I feel a food craving it is usually for something sweet. My go-to is Nutella toast with sliced banana. It’s easy and it satisfies my cravings.  I feel like I am constantly going through comfort foods and losing a comfort food can be stressfu
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