Where do i stand now?

 So what now? Am I cured? Am I better? Yes and no. When I started this blog, I talked about my freshman year a lot and what I have done since then to get better eating habits to avoid not eating. It goes in waves though. As mentioned before, my food problems go hand in hand with my anxiety.

My anxiety lives in my stomach. I get anxious and I feel nauseous and like I can’t eat. My throat tightens and if I try to eat food it is hard to swallow. Freshmen year was really bad and I lost a lot of weight.

My anxiety came back this semester in full force. I noticed signs of it at the end of last semester and played around with the idea of going on anxiety meds. It is my senior year and I knew the second semester would be more stressful. I wanted to have fun and not fall behind. Over winter break, I got put on as-needed meds. They were to be taken if I was going to have any panic episodes. They were not met for daily use. However, the beginning of this semester hit me like a truck and my anxiety was very bad and I noticed my diet was changing. 

I was getting more nauseous as my anxiety worsened. I then noticed how skinny I was getting. I started out this semester a little under 140. A few weeks into February I was at 119. That’s a scary and concerning drop. I knew I had to do something so I changed my meds and switched to daily anxiety meds and started to prioritize myself. 

I started seeing a very good change. By Spring break I was back up to 126 and I was a lot happier and I had almost no anxiety attacks. This semester really pushed me. I learned how to better manage my anxiety and where to set my boundaries.

This blog really helped me organize my thoughts. It helped to remind me what to do when I felt anxious and I didn’t want to eat. It was very therapeutic to go through how to deal with my anxiety.

I know I focused a lot on what I did to get over what happened freshmen year but it really helped get me through this semester as well. I was able to get my feelings out there without having to reveal a lot of personal things that were happening at that moment. Sometimes I feel like I just need to write something out or say it to another person to hear it. To feel it. And I just need to sit with it.

This is what that blog was to me. A public journal. Reflecting on my past allowed me to motivate myself to do better and get control of my anxiety once again. I hope this blog helped someone out there as much as it helped me.

Comments

  1. Isis's BlogApril 24, 2024 at 12:47 PM

    Halli, Im really glad you found something that works for you! I can't even imagine how difficult it must've been to deal with that. I sometimes find myself struggling to eat because of the lack of time management I had. I would see my weight fluctuate tremendously throughout the season. For me when I don't eat as much as I should you see in it my performance on the basketball court. Now that the seasons over and I have more time on my hands I have way better eating habits. It really consisted of getting into a routine, I think maybe when the semester is over that could maybe help you too! Over great post and Im glad you learned about yourself through this blog.

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