I Never Hated Food

 I never hated food. I think a common misconception about eating disorders is that people who are affected by them hate food. But how could anyone hate food? An eating disorder is defined "as any of a range of mental conditions in which there is a persistent disturbance of eating behavior and impairment of physical or mental health." The majority of people with eating disorders don't eat or purge due to their view on what food does to them, which ultimately stems from a societal view of what pretty is. Some people fear food. They fear about what the calories or ingredients in the food will do to them. To their bodies. 

I have never been afraid of food and the effect it has had on my though. Which is why for the longest time, I never thought that I was ever anorexic. I love the way I look. I'm not that toned. My stomach is not flat. But I do consider myself skinny and many people agree.

During times when my anxiety is bad, I find that my appetite is not present. And I have to remind myself to eat. I have done a good job of managing my anxiety and it has slowly stopped affecting my appetite as badly.

The transition into college was hard and when I first realized that I needed to manage my anxiety better. When I think back to freshmen year, I don't remember hating food. I remember missing food. I remember missing craving pizza or Chinese food. When I look back at pictures of myself, I don't recognize myself. 

I absolutely love food. I grew up in a large household that always cooked. My dad's side is Polish so we are always making cultural food like pierogis and potato pancakes. My mom grew up with 5 other siblings so she cooks in bulk. There was always food in the house.

I believe that the loss of appetite that came with my anxiety has taught me to appreciate and love food even more than before. Because when I didn't crave any food, it tasted bland. Eating has never tasted better.

This blog is going to be about my food journey. The ups and downs and how I came back to loving food and how I keep myself on track with eating through my anxiety. I'll talk about what I avoid, such as certain diets or habits. I'll post about the foods I take comfort in when my anxiety is bad. I'll post about food that I make when I feel stressed. Because cooking myself makes things taste a million times better. 

I hope you enjoy the read and the tips and recipes.